Feb. 4th, 2009

lolamatopoeia: (pieceofwork)
I think I need to start making a list of what I want to do and accomplish in my life, broken down into 1 year and 5 and ten year or so increments. I need to get a bunch of this stuff down on paper so that I don't forget and so that I don't lose track of my goals and end up back where I am now five years on wondering 'what the hell have I done with life' ... again.

I'm having trouble getting into action mode. I'm still stuck in that spot where I daydream about all of the great things I'm going to do - how I'll join such and such club/team/organization, write things, perform, get involved, etc. but then I always seem to end up spending my evenings locked to my computer screen, still daydreaming, avoiding any sort of action and wondering why I'm not getting anywhere. I'm frustrated with myself. I need action and movement and a game plan.

I want to be the kind of woman, and have the kind of life, that my kids can be proud of some day. I don't want to have my kids see my struggle and my frustrations trying to be someone and do things in life but never quite getting there or see my life as another sad story of lost and misguided dreams. I don't want to slowly fade into middle age wondering where my youth went, realizing it's too late. I need plans in motion before it's too late.

I want to travel (and actually live in different countries, not just go on vacation), write (and be published some day), play a musical instrument (and actually be fairly good at it), be fluent in another language, perform on stage (in plays at least once a year or every other year), dance (and learn to dance well, and perform on stage one day), create art (and take classes to be better at this, and actually exhibit my work more than once and some day sell at least one piece). I want to do all of this and also become, through all of it, the kind of person I want so badly to be - that person who is the first one you call when you are planning something fun and the person you call when you need help with anything. I want to be kind to the people around me and strong and confident and I want to be able to maintain a happy and satisfied state of mind as often as possible. I don't want regret and stasis (anymore).

I need to get this down and get a plan together to get all of this done before it's too late. I know what I want from life, but I need to piece out concrete ways to accomplish all of this. Right now, it's all just muddled up in my head and the muddledness is preventing me from taking the necessary steps toward accomplishing these things. Even if, after a year I am able to take one baby step toward accomplishing one of the things I listed above that would be a huge leap from where I've been stuck lately. I've never been so panicked about my life path than I have been in the past few months.

So, is it just me or is everyone in the 24-29 age range experiencing the same kind of life crisis? No? Just me?

I promise I'll start writing more lighthearted things in here eventually.

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lolamatopoeia

July 2009

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