lolamatopoeia: (Default)
[personal profile] lolamatopoeia
So things are OK. I'm adjusting. Being away from my everyday situation has really thrown me into myself and I think that the reason I'm having a bit of a rough go emotionally at the moment (don't worry, no breakdowns yet at all) is that I'm getting down to the root of my problems. I'm discovering patterns in my behaviour that I need to get ahold of and it's tough to realize and tough to change but this is something I need to go through and I need to do. I need this. The trouble I am having is that I think that I am, or I want to be, a much more adventurous person than I am. Also, I'm not an assertive person and, as the old Thai man feeding the turtle in the fountain at the Grand Palace (at Wat Pho) told me yesterday - I have to let what comes out of my mouth match what is in my heart. Good words. I am seeing great things and meeting wonderful people, but really this is a lot of a personal and emotional journey for me and I can only hope that the freaking out inside my head all of the time will go away and I will come back home a stronger, calmer, kinder, and wiser person.

I will update more with stories on what I am actually doing here eventually, although I am thinking that those may have to be backlogged from my journal entries, but for now here's a picture of the view from my room at Cozy Bangkok:

The view

We stay here for two more nights and then we are headed to Chiang Mai for Monday. That should be excellent and I'm really looking forward to moving on. Bangkok has been excellent, but it is a big city and it is crowded and chaotic and I know that we can travel much more cheaply in other cities. I keep having anxiety about money because it seems to be flying out of my hands, although in reality I only spent the equivalent of about 40 dollars yesterday - and that was an expensive day when I bought a memory card for my camera, we went on a boat ride, and we saw the reclining buddha at the palace. Today we went to MBK, a large shopping centre, and I bought an extra tunic for 6 dollars. So yeah, it's good but I think we can do cheaper.

Also, the best way to describe the atmosphere so far in Bangkok has been smells in interchangeable wafts of incense and urine or garbage or delicious food and the sounds of Thai yelling and motorbikes and soft music and barking stray dogs who shit in the street. It's a beautiful and terrifying city.

We're saying goodbye to Rej tonight - an amazing girl from England who has been travelling through Thailand on her own before she starts a new life in Australia. She leaves in the morning and it'll be sad to see her go. She's a great girl and I can only hope we'll stay in touch. We've met such great people and I'm really looking forward to the new people we'll meet and the new things we'll see. I'll just be glad to be moving on from Bangkok because the rest of the trip should be fairly smooth sailing. I'll be in touch.
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