Mar. 25th, 2009 10:41 pm
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
I did not go running tonight and I feel like a lazy fuck because of that. It's been cold and raining all afternoon and evening and I just couldn't bring myself to do it even though I told myself from the beginning of the process that if I start missing days because of something stupid like the weather then I'll just keep making excuses and eventually give up. Ugh. It's just that I've been fighting the return of my cold for the past week and I just didn't want to risk it because it's just so cold and wet and the exertion would aw who am I kidding? I just wasn't up to it tonight and now I feel appropriately like crap. I took the dog for a long walk in the rain as a sort of supplement, but it's not quite the same. Maybe I'll do a few practice runs with the dog on our own in the next evening or so to make myself feel better. The dog needs the practice and I need to get rid of the flub that's been bugging me.


I had a friend over last night to watch the last of the L Word. Now that it's over we'll have to find something else to watch together on Tuesday nights. I'm trying to get her hooked on 'Being Human', we'll see how that goes. She made the most amazing antojitos, complete with amazing dip, for us to eat and yeah, WOW, I am going to have to hone up on my culinary skills and get my ass in the kitchen for next time to even try and compare. I am humbled by antojitos.

Also last night she caught me on the negative wheel going over and over all of the reasons that I shouldn't go to New Zealand. I kept going on and on about the money and the time away from people I love and how it's really not that much different from Canada and the accent kind of gets on my nerves and yada yada until she just asked 'why can't you just allow yourself to be happy?' Good question. That is a good question. I'm working on it. Honestly, I am.


I'm getting a little backed up on emails and responses to things. The wonderful former postman from the cafe I used to work at (long story) emailed me with a long update before Christmas and I've been meaning to write him a long update as well but that just takes so much time and I need like an afternoon to write something like that so yeah, it's been months now and it's just sitting there in my inbox. Taunting me. That and the response I'm supposed to give to that one ipod case guy. I actually ended up ordering one from someone else on Etsy and it's perfect and I'm happy with the purchase I finally made but now I've got to tell this first guy that I found something else. Obviously the truth is the best approach, but that won't make it suck any less for him as a seller or make me come off as any less insane.


I had a whole bunch of other things I wanted to write about - including a work beef/can't let go of the red stapler situation at work (which reminds me, I should go through and make sure my work posts are locked ...), something about social networking something something, maybe something Springsteen, and probably also something about how if I don't decide on a haircut soon I'm just going to get the scissors and start chopping.
lolamatopoeia: (inconceivable!)
So I was running along with the group this evening, chatting and jogging and walking and having a great time. We were a little more than halfway through and we're running and talking, running and talking, and before I even knew it I felt and then heard 'pffffffffft' come out of my back end. Mid-conversation. Mid-run. The girl running next to me did a bit of a pause in her sentence, I know she knew. I think both of us just thought it would be better to act as though it didn't happen. The worst part? The second fart was even louder.
lolamatopoeia: (marilyntiredhead)
I think I've been grumpier today than I have been in a long, long time. I was curt and bitchy and short tempered and miserable all day. I felt like crap and I just could not shake it. I had to wake up early today for my 8:30AM practice run at the Running Room which was great but fuck I wish I had had more sleep in me. I could not get to sleep last night and even when I did get a little shut-eye time I would keep waking up for no reason and then struggle to go back to sleep again. It was so frustrating. I haven't had such a hard time sleeping in a while and I don't even know what caused it and now I'm scared about it happening again tonight. I mean, I had to have a nap today - yeah, I NAPPED. I never nap. I hate napping - but then there I was, me and the dog, napping:

me and puppy napping

My pillow was soaked in drool.

It could have been because I decided to watch a vampire movie after 10:30PM last night. It was 'Twilight' - FINALLY, LOOOOOOOVED it - which isn't meant to be a scary vampire movie at all, just gut wrenching and dreamy and lovely with a touch of disturbing and creepy, I just have a thing with vampires. Childhood fear. Did I mention that I am 26 years old and I am still afraid of the dark?

In any case, lately I've been getting to thinking about the advice that my old Prof gave me about writing every day until I figure out what I want to write about. I've been feeling a lot more anxious about this task. I still don't know what I'm meant to write about. When I was younger I used to write a lot of fantasy stories, but now that I'm older my writing is mainly just here and this is just ... well, it is what it is. I need to figure this stuff out.
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
So I thought I should post since it feels like I've been quiet for a while, but then again it seems like everyone around here has been quiet the past little while, so ... In any case, I just thought I'd write a few quick notes, so here we go:


Since the incident with the onion chopping, I've now given myself two other cuts on the same hand. My hand is now covered in bandaids and I look a little ridiculous. So, alright Tudor may have had a point in his response to the chopping but that doesn't stop me from thinking he's an asshole for saying it (or, from preventing further injuries apparently).


I'm finally recovering from my cold only to find that now Tudor is getting sick (passive aggressive revenge) as well as a few of my coworkers. I win!


I finally watched 'Doubt'. It was excellent, absolutely excellent. It's one of those quietly wonderful movies that is all about subtleties and characters and, err ... doubt. I just wish that they hadn't framed the story so cheesily with two so very overt speeches/exclamations/references to doubt. Ok, ok, I get it - DOUBT!


I can't remember what I did on the weekend, except for Sunday. Saturday seems like a bit of blur for some reason ... oh, wait - yes, it was an event at work. I wasted nearly an entire day shopping for appropriate black shoes. I ended up getting a pair of black dress flats with a bit of a pointed toe that I'd been eyeing for a while. I bought them feeling satisfied since they're classics and you can't go wrong with those and then immediately regretted buying them part of the way home because they were 50 bucks and to me that is a lot of money. It's a lot of money especially considering that I will still need to buy myself a pair of black loafers and black heels (since I currently have no black shoes, save the new flats) on top of a pair of hiking boots/shoes and possibly even running shoes. All before I go to (and save my ass off for) New Zealand. I'm still undecided. I've been wearing them only indoors in case I have to return them. They're fairly comfortable and all, although I'm not sure I could wear them all day w/o supportive insoles, but they were 50 bucks and they're not everday shoes and ... ugh. I wish that things like this were not such a big deal to me. I wish that I had a whole bunch of disposable income for things like this but, you know, I likely never will.


On Sunday Tudor and I were thrilled to have some of our long lost, to Barrie, Ontario, university friends over for dinner and photos and cake and visits.

After many a stressful and sometimes failed dinner party I think Tudor and I may have found a system that works fairly well for us - he does most of the dinner cooking and I do most of the house/apartment cleaning. I get really stressed and frantic and anxious when I'm preparing for people to come over and so turning my craziness into a cleaning frenzy is super efficient. Plus, Tudor makes a kick ass asian pork tenderloin and garlic mashed potatoes. He has really impressed me with his cooking lately and I was glad to see our friends impressed with it too.

I had made a carrot cake a few days earlier and iced it with cream cheese icing (with orange zest) and it went over swimmingly and made me feel so proud. Even when my lovely boyfriend tried to scrape his icing off his portion, the rest of us protested and dived the cream cheesey goodness among us. Yeah, it was that good.

We went on what we call a 'photoroam' together, like old times, along the railroad tracks with our dogs. I was surrounded by these people who take amazing photos and I felt a little at a loss at some points. I think that I forgot how to take photos. I used to love just walking around with my camera and now I'm just a little confused by it and pretty self conscious about the whole thing. Pictures or no pictures, it was an incredibly enjoyable sunny walk after our dinner feast. That spring feeling in the air just made everything so much sweeter and some of my fondest memories have been tied to those sunny moments after dinner in the spring and summer time, strolling in the warm and the green.


I joined a 'Learn to Run' Clinic. It runs until May. I signed up yesterday and I had my first class tonight. I was so scared going in there, but it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. It's a fairly big group, with only one male. We're all beginners and everyone seems really nice so far (except for the 3 or 4 people who showed up unapologeticly late - it's one thing to show up late, but 25 minutes late without a word of apology or any sense of shame, instead a stunning sense of entitlement, that bugs me /rant). Our run took place through the park and it was such a gorgeous evening. We did about 6 sets of 2 minutes of walking followed by 1 minute of running, and then the last leg was just straight walking. I didn't think that seemed like much on paper, and it was easier than I thought at certain points, but I can really feel it now. I feel like I've got some actual exercise in me and that feels great. I'm going to try and integrate the dog into this running, and I'm going to try my best to maintain this activity and maybe even some day consider myself a Runner. Some day. For now, I'm just proud of myself for going through with it.

How are you?
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
Today I got to help host a schmooze fest at work. It was just a big pain in the ass for everybody, but the food was delicious.

Today I watched the second last episode of The L Word with a new great friend of mine. I have to admit that I still don't love the show (I mean, it's alright) but spending that time with a friend is excellent. It's too bad I had to open up about how psychotic I am about ipod cases.

Today I got a response from that guy and the response was good (he agreed to make whichever one of the 3 to size and to replace the magnets) but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still kind of 'meh' about what he came up with. I'm not overly excited about any of them. I'm now considering just making up some sort of lie to get out of the deal and go somewhere else. I am an awful person.

Today I remembered that I forgot to mention that the party on Saturday went really well and the cupcakes went over fantastically, although I was still icing them up until the last minute. I did, however, get plenty of immature stink eye and weird comments from a group of girls there I hadn't met before who were pissed that I made cupcakes when they picked up a store-bought cake on the way over. Pfft. Take your hydrogenated oil-based and chemically dyed icing and shove it up your cake hole. I ignored the whole thing and got drunk. The birthday girl sent me an email the next day thanking me for the cupcakes and told me she preferred them over the cake. I am only ever competitive when it comes to baking.

Today, I am extraordinarily tired but unable to sleep because my body is still adjusting to daylight savings time.
lolamatopoeia: (george-chairfight-beinghuman)
So I just finished sending an email to that etsy guy. I kept it as short as possible and didn't try and instigate any arguing or bs or anything and just kept it simple with my requests about both the length and the magnets thing and I also told him my price limit. I was brief and clear and let him know that I appreciate his work as well. We'll see what happens. If this thing gets any more complicated I'll just go through someone else or something. This whole ipod case thing is driving me a little nuts.


I joined all three of the spotlighted journals that were on the lj home page today because they were just too perfect to be true - crock pot cooking, apartment gardening, and Sarah Down Undah (about a Canadian travelling through Australia and New Zealand and taking AMAZING photos along the way). One of her photos from her latest entry actually made me gasp. GASP! Honestly, gasp. If you want to gasp too, just stare a little bit at the second photo in this entry and tell me it doesn't make your heart skip a few beats and then want to beat out of your chest while you try to catch you breath. No? Just me? Yeah, I really need to go to New Zealand. NOW.

In case you haven't guessed, this week I no longer want to do the PhD but want to fly as quickly as I can to New Zealand. Next week, I'll likely have the opposite mindset. I am a delight.


Oh, and you know what kind of person needs to cease to exist or at least get their comeuppance? The kind of person that breaks into your van when it's parked on the side of the road while your boyfriend is walking the dog and decides that although they got into the vehicle with minimal effort and drank your beer and ate your cupcakes (boyfriend was going to a gathering of friends) that they just HAD TO CRACK YOUR WINDSHIELD in two places before they leave on their merry way. No reason, you know, just a big old 'Fuck You' for having your aged fam van parked on the side of the road in the boonies on a Sunday afternoon. Now, we're going to have to replace our windshield. Damn it. We're on a tight enough budget as it is and this is exactly what we don't need. What the fuck? What is wrong with people? Seriously.

Also, this journal needs more pictures. Picture bonus (cue unflattering but terribly cute picture of me and the dog from today): )

lolamatopoeia: (gilbert-80sdance-beinghuman)
Whenever I go for walks during my lunch hour at work I pass by this duo of cheerful middle aged men walking along the same route in the opposite direction. They walk together every day at the same time. Sometimes it's just one of them, the dedicated one. I like them, but I think they're colleagues and they're always talking about work on their lunch break. I go for walks to clear my mind. I listen to music, and I unwind and regenerate. Fresh air, no work, no phones. Seeing those men though, nodding 'hello' as we pass, and gliding along on our way really tends to make my day when it happens. No matter what they're talking about.


I need this month to be over. I just need final answers on those applications. Final, final answers. The acceptance/rejection letters are supposed to be sent at the beginning of April.

At the same time, I'm doing my best to enjoy this month - and the new springlike weather we're experiencing here - the best I can. I'm trying to spend more time outdoors, and I've even been thinking seriously of picking up the once loved and well used camera some time soon. Courage!


Oh, and I changed my journal layout - I wanted something super minimal and easy to read. I like the simplicity so far but may change my mind again.
lolamatopoeia: (marilyntiredhead)
Today was ok at work, I think. I still hate it to the very core, but I'm deciding to make the most of it. I'm trying, as carefully and deliberately as possible, to be as positive as I can at work. I have to force it most of the time, but I get a bit better at it throughout the day and y'know it just, it just keeps me sane.

I need recommendations. I am in a huge hair rut and I need a change. I'm just sick of the way my hair looks and I have no idea what to do with it anymore. Whatever I do it just ends up looking the same. I've even been considering going super short Mia Farrow-like but I know I've always regretted it eventually when I get it done. It's also just a pain the butt to grow out. Also, if I'm going to NZ for a year or so I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of pictures and I would hate to look back on pictures and think 'oh yeah, New Zealand - that's where I had that really bad hairdo' whenever they include me. Does anyone know where I could look or go to find the best kind of cut and style for my face shape? Would it be crazy to go into a hair salon and ask for a consultation?

Also, I need a good book. A real page turner. I want a book that I can't put down - I miss that feeling. I started reading 'Tropic of Cancer' a while ago and I just don't think I'm in the right state to read it right now. Nothing wrong with the book, I'm just not into reading post-modernist stream of consciousness stuff about absense of plot/meaning, etc. I started reading 'Delta of Venus' and it's great except that, well, I can't read erotica all the time and the last story I read from the collection ended with a vaginal mutilation scene. Not so good for the vaginismus therapy.
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
I spent most of my today staring at spreadsheets at work. Mainly I just rearranged data and made them seem easier on my eyes. The new MS Office makes everything look so good. The new fonts and themes are just so ... pretty. Calibri font ftw! Calibri everywhere, all the time! Calibri! It's too bad the whole suite and system is such a slimy piece of bloatware.


I felt a teeny bit productive today. Finally. I cancelled my OSAP application so that I can apply for a new one to accommodate the new deferred July start date for NZ. I also filled out a health check questionnaire over the phone for insurance coverage on the big-big loan, and I checked in to an RRSP plan thingy for my education savings. Woo!


Oh! And I've been going for long walks with the dog lately because we're both getting fat and listless and that bitch (ahem) has no respect for me.

I think that I've decided (there it is again) I'm going to sign up for both a 'Learn to Run' clinic at the Running Room (I actually do not know how to run properly and have always wanted to be a Runner) and a Pilates class within the month to take advantage of the wellness package I receive at work. Honestly, I think that I'm the only one there actually planning to use the package at all. Ha!

I want to be strong and lean. I'm at a stagnant point with my body where I lost that huge amount of weight and now I'm thinking that I could do even better for myself. I'm honestly not fat, by any means really. I've got the weight off now, I just want to tone up and be more physically fit.


I just found out that KW Little Theatre has a call for auditions for an upcoming play and I wouldn't be able to perform in it even if I got a part since the show start in July. Gargh! Wants to be in a play! Wants to find out about the doctor application so she can officially move on (or not)!


Also, today I made the startling revelation that I look really awesome in coral nail polish. Next: lipstick. I know, it's all very exciting.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
I accomplished maybe about three out of the ten to twenty things I had aimed to do today. I wanted to make meals for the week, scrub up, clean, start the process of reformatting my hard drive, do finances, etc. Nope. But hey, at least I did some laundry, watched LotR (Fellowship), and watched the Oscars too. I've felt like crap all day. I didn't sleep well at all last night since I drank caffeine in the afternoon yesterday. I smashed a left-over glass of red wine off of the coffee table this morning and stupid red wine went EVERYWHERE. I haven't been outside, which is awful of me. I've been a complete grump all day.

My Oscar two cents:

Slumdog Millionaire was great, but c'mon did it have to win, like, everything? Ok, ok, it was pretty friggin' great.

Watching two or more people accept an award together makes me uncomfortable. I always feel sorry for the second guy/girl to the microphone - will they get a chance to speak too? C'mon first guy, shut the hell up!

I felt sorry for the guys nominated up against Heath Ledger.

I have no desire to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Well, maybe I will a few years from now when the hype is completely over and I can be good and disappointed.

Mickey Rourke should have won for Best Actor. He was brilliant. I'm happy for Sean Penn and all (his acceptance speech was powerful and fantastic), but c'mon - Mickey Rourke!

Glad Kate Winslet won (finally - she's amazing) although I always get the sinking feeling that Best Actress/Actor wins are the kiss of death for actors so it also makes me kind of sad and anxious for her. So hey, maybe it's a good thing Mickey didn't win this time - although, when's there going to be a next time for Mickey?

Again, I've been a grump like this all day. I'm a gonna go to beds now. G'night.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
I feel like hell. This has got to be up there with one of my worst period days in recent memory. This brings me back to the horrors of high school cycles when I usually had to stay home from school it was so bad. At least there's no vomiting and cold sweats this time. I have felt dizzy and nauseous and been in aching/sharp/whooshing/cyclic pain all friggin' day. It's unrelenting. It's hard to focus or even think. I'm dizzy because of the massive blood loss and the painkillers which are only dulling the pain and I'm weak and so so tired and out of my head.

Watched 'Flight of the Red Balloon' tonight. It's kind of a dreamy fade in, fade out, of a family situation in Paris. It's nicely done and sweet and engaging at times but I fell asleep for a bit in the beginning - a bit too much of a fade in, or maybe just too much blood loss. It's a nice movie though, it's just one of those slow-moving ones you have to be in the mood to appreciate. Regardless, Julette Binoche is fantastic as ever.

I've had nothing but weird dreams lately. I've had two dreams in the past few weeks that I am on a plane to New Zealand and have forgotten something, anything. The first time, I didn't have financing finished and tuition wasn't paid but classes were starting the next day and I was on the plane screaming to get off. The next dream was something similar but with a car (not being on one, but having forgotten one). Last night I had a dream that Tudor and I were in some sort of crappy George Lucas on George Lucas film where machines were hunting humans and we were some of the last ones left and then we got distracted by a swimming dog and Tudor got shot and then I volunteered to get shot along with him.

The other night I cried like a baby while watching elephants on television because I find it difficult to believe that such majestic, sensitive, wise, mythical and beautiful creatures exist on this earth.

I'm getting dizzier and weaker. I'm going to go pass out now.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
I finally watched 'The Wrestler' last night. Wow. Incredible. I don't really have any way to describe it other than to steal from the description on the cover and tell you that it's a deeply affecting movie. It's one of those movies that stick with you for a while after seeing it. It is such a fantastically, wonderfully, constructed character study. I can't stop thinking about it, it's all over my head now, and it's good ... I haven't had this feeling for a film in a while. Mesmerized. It's beautiful and perfect. I can't even write about it anymore. Watch it. You will understand.


Plans got cancelled for Valentine's day tonight. We were supposed to go to a burlesque show with friends, but tickets were sold out. It sucks since I haven't seen burlesque performed before and was looking forward to it - I bought bright red liptick for the show and everything! Ah well, I can always find somewhere else to wear it. Like EVERYWHERE!

I'm now spending Valentine's day having a 'laptop party' on my couch with my boyfriend and friend/housemate while watching episode after episode of 'Clone High'.


My indecisiveness reared it's ugly head again today in the form of black dress shoes. The aim was to buy a cheap pair of black shoes for the show tonight and I couldn't decide so I bought both pairs I was contemplating and am going to make a decision in the next day or so and return one of them. One is a pair of black heels with a super pointy toe that apparently every girl should have but that I don't really feel comfortable in although my friends and also fashion shows would tell me otherwise. They're pretty and feminine, but they're just not me. The other pair are a pair of flats that are sort of like ballet slippers but that have a pointed (but not drastically pointed) toe. They're simple and comfortable in a dressy way. I feel more comfortable in them, but I'm thinking of just returning them and getting a better quality pair of loafers or mary janes that I can wear anytime (with black). All of this is just stupid though since both pairs cost less than twenty dollars.

I'm a terrible shopper since I tend to go with pure emotion and instinct with purchases. If I love it right away I buy it and don't need the opinion of anyone else. If I'm unsure about it at all I do things like I did today. I have this idea in my head that the clothes and accessories I buy say something about me as a person. I know, this is just wrong. I'm not vain, I'm not in to trends and fashion, I just still care too much about what other people think. It's embarrassing. The kicker is that I am also an incredibly lazy dresser and take about five minutes or less to get dressed in the morning. I don't want to think about it. If I let myself think about it too much I just get sweaty anxiety attacks. Self esteem issues? No!


I had an odd, but vivid dream about typewriters last night. Multiple typewriters with separate keypads were available to me and they were beautiful. According to internet dream dictionaries this means that I should be a writer. I think I'll need more practice - a LOT more practice - to consider myself anywhere near that, ever. I think that I might just have a thing for typewriters.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
Went to see and meet new friends tonight with Tudor and the dog. We were invited to dinner at a house full of fantastic creative type people where we ate a Ukrainian borscht and had freshly baked bread. It wasn't something I would normally eat (the borscht, I mean - the warm out of the oven bread I could eat all day every day), but it was homemade and the people were great. They taught me about different types of armor and encouraged me to look into joining their group - the Society for Creative Anachronism, which I think is awesome. I'm going to look into what I can do about that. I'm not really in to sword fighting.

I came home and ate cabbage rolls (I know, exciting). All cabbage all the time! Hey, it's better than all of the junk food I've been stuffing myself with (and become addicted to, yet again) lately.

I'm signing a big loan tomorrow, and I'm sleepy.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
I have been trying to read Henry Miller's "Tropic of Cancer" on and off for the past few weeks and I'm not sure if there's just something I'm not getting or that I haven't been focussed enough for it, but I ... I'm just not into it. It's not that it is bad, it's just that I'm feeling 'meh' about it. Reading it feels forced at this point. I'm not sure what it is about it that has put me off. Maybe it's that I had such high expectations, or maybe it's the style, I'm not sure. It feels somehow inaccessible. I'm not sure how to describe it. To be blunt, it feels as though I'm reading an oddly disjointed and aimless story revolving around an exclusive group/non-group of pretentious writers in Europe who just fuck and write and constantly reflect (coldy) on themselves and on writing in a dull and removed, self-revolving, style that is virtually unrelatable. Even the fucking is emotionless and unappealing. The writing feels elitist, inaccessible, and masturbatory (for the writer rather than the reader) and not in a good way.

I don't know, maybe I'm missing something. I'm probably missing something. Or, maybe I'm on to something.

In unrelated news, this week has been and continues to be busy. I'm spending time with friends, new and old. I'm going out, seeing new things, having fun, getting fresh air. I'm going to a burlesque show on Friday and I have nothing to wear! I'm not spending Friday night in thermal underwear! It is all very, very good. Busy is good.
lolamatopoeia: (bye bye lungs)
I just found out that ABC cancelled 'Pushing Daisies'. I didn't think that I would be so angry and heartbroken over a television show, but I am (angry and heartbroken). That show is perfect. It has been my favourite. It is perfect. What the hell, TV?
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
I bought two bras last night from the grocery store. Yes, the grocery store. Together, they came to under ten dollars, brand new. I am unashamed. I am poor.
lolamatopoeia: (up the nose)
'Your vagina is fine, your vagina is fine, your vagina is fine' they say.
Well then, Doctor, why the random bleeding? Huh, huh? 'splain that one!
Oh yeah. Stress does that.
Sheeeeeeeeeessshhh! Bodies are stupid.
Escapism: ride on a white horse in 4-inch heels and eat some garbage in a bunny suit. Jump around in a box.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
Lately, I've been:
- frequently camping out at school office for peace, quiet and tea.
- making new and great friends and spending time with my ever-lovely sister.
- getting depressed and anxious about the early acceptance letters to PhD programs sent to colleagues/friends/fellow students while my own mailbox remains empty.
- wishing I'd applied to the school which hates me in the city which I hate after witnessing such a huge beckoning/grab in apparently huge program here, at least for the sake of getting in somewhere rather than ending this life as someone's secretary or barista.
- eating discounted Valentine's Day remnants.
- missing cuddles and company, sleeping with a teddy bear and other manufactured mammals for comfort.
- accumulating my hatred for 18th century literature and asshat literary theory ever further.
- (not-so) secretly reading magic realist Canadian Lit. until 3AM when I should be working on presentations.
- sporadically allowing my mind to freak me out about the double-decker seminar presentations I have to perform on Monday and Tuesday, respectively.
- taking out frustrations on sweet and unassuming partner who deserves nothing but praise, support, laughter, kisses, smiles, bed days, and bathtime (among many other things, including woodland adventures!).
- not updating my weblog.

- Woke up feeling like death after passing out in reading not-so secret books in bed in the early morning.
- put on hat and clothes, biked to school in the rain.

10:30 - 11:30AM
- Met with Professor to talk about my upcoming presentation about cracks, big jugs, blouses and 'one flea spare'. Left her office with a book she loaned to me, knowing I'd met my newest feminist public performance-oriented academic role model.

11:30AM - 1:15PM
- Biked home in the rain in hopes of taking a nap upon couch. Once home, decided to eat junk food and stare into space(/the living room wall) instead.

- Biked to gynocologist since bloody sex and random cramping isn't as fun as it sounds. The doctor, nurse, and resident there were pleased to inform me (altogether now), after fiddling with and bruising my insides to the point of near tears yet again, that all of tests came up negativo and that the hole they'd cut out of me more than a month ago has (finally/actually) fully healed.  I raised my eyebrow at them, I did.

2:20PM - 4:20PM
- Gave myself a bit of a break. Realized that I'd informed my Professor that I wouldn't be able to attend her class that afternoon because of the expected length of today's appointment, and now that said appointment finished so very early I could actually go home and nap and/or wander around/make myself a healthy meal before my evening class.
- biked around downtown London in the rain because the thought of going to school or work was more depressing than failed presentations and dim futures. Flew by long-lost Meredith on the way.
- bought myself some spices, headbands, candy, cheap winter accessories (hat, scarf/tube like thing, fleece headband/tube like thing), and some slippers which were made to look like dead puppy dogs wearing sweaters.

4:30-6:30PM, 7-10PM
- Biked home in the rain wearing new winter accessories and carrying spices and puppies in a bag. Returned home to find roommates watching Oprah talk about racism, families, and make-up with her guests.
- cooked myself a great dinner for the first time in a long time - a slight replica of Nadine's lovely stirfry and spicy peanut noodles she made for us a few weeks ago.
- biked back to school to watch a movie at 7PM with the film class I assist in, hiding myself in my new hat and developing a slight arousal for handlebar mustaches.

10PM - present 
- Entered office and set up my desk for tea and presentation preparations. Put my feet inside the squishy fabric guts of puppies.
- distracted myself with the evils of wireless internet, pretending to work and feeling guilty about lack of productivity while the effects of little sleep started to set in.
- spilled (no, dumped) my full glass of tea all over the front of my workstation - my lap, my slippers, my books, my papers, my role model Professor's book, and my computer. Her book has little damage save a slight discolouration along the edge while my books are wrinkled, stained, and soaked through, and my computer is doing very troubling things (like retarding the functions of my touchy mouse pad thing and keeping the battery light on as charging when the machine has been plugged in for hours).
- I think it's time to go home.
lolamatopoeia: (Default)
Laura will write 97% of an ill-conceived essay in less than 24hrs.
Oh, grad school, you're hilarious! Muah! Love ya.
lolamatopoeia: (flowery)
For a few days every month, I bleed from my crotch. No, I do not get a 'monthly visit from Aunt Flo' or any 'little friend', I bleed from my uterus as it passes parts of its lining and blood cells through my vagina every month.

Right now, my crotch is bleeding. I don't really have a problem with it, nor do I hold any resentment for it (even back when the bleeding would get so bad I'd be in cold sweats, screaming on the floor and head over the toilet, out of commission for days, passing what looked like alien life forms from my insides), and, having an active sex life I actually look forward to its regularity. Ahem. However much I might say I enjoy the bloody things though, during these red-tinted times I look forward to the blissfuly sanitary feeling of a hard warm shower at least once a day just to keep on top of things. It only makes sense.

And so, this morning as I was about to hop into my much-needed shower, I slipped off my socks and maxi-pad filled panties and dropped them on the light tile floor, I was in a pretty good mood. I stopped for a second to observe the blood-clotted specimen I'd produced, turned my foot and took a step toward the tub. As I moved my body in slow motion from my current position to the shower though, my right foot slid on a towel, throwing me off my axis and forcing my left foot to land directly in the blood-drenched diaper. Squish. I felt my foot get warm and wet instantly and I quickly lifted myself out of the bloody mess but ended up doing a little dance between tub and cupboards that ended with blood splatters and red footprints on light tile floor, light coloured towel, light coloured socks, and a stream of blood running steadily down my leg. A solo menstrual murder scene. Myself and my bathroom were directly confronted, and covered, with my body's feminine defect.

Sometimes you just have to stop and laugh at yourself.
Especially when you're bloody and naked, cleaning your bathroom floor with the shower running and your dog sniffing at the door.


lolamatopoeia: (Default)

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