So for some reason I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm not sure why I've been silent but it's likely a good thing - I've been processing the big old decision and figuring a lot of things out. I'm OK with the decision, I really
am, I'm actually getting excited about Nipissing in the Fall. I do still have these little waves of doubt from time to time, to be completely honest, and I am worried about regret, but I know that all of that negative is up to me to fix. Right now is the complicated stuff though - I'm dealing with a lot of the same panicked quarterlife crisis feelings I've been experiencing for nearly a year now except that now I'm feeling a lot more urgency
with the whole thing. I just don't know what to do with that urgency yet. I definitely want to go on a long trip this summer and I'm still so fixated on NZ so I think it would be good for me to go and just get it out of my system (even though it'll be winter there), but then I'm thinking I could also seize an opportunity to save a lot of money on a trip by going to Iceland
instead. Or, I don't know. I think I may just need to freaking go and get it over with for gods' sake.
By extension, I'm figuring out that I've got to spend more of my time doing things that I love doing. What drives me crazy with joy and happiness and jealousy, and what I see as true success and happiness, is being able to at least support yourself by doing something you absolutely love doing and are good at. I've spent too much time watching people make something of themselves in this way and not enough time actually doing the small things I need to do to make the big things happen - y'know? I'm also realizing that spending all of my time passively and compulsively surfing the internet (esp. the devil that is facebook) and watching television is not something that makes me happy. It has the opposite effect, actually. The more time I spend on those mediums the more depressed and removed I get. It doesn't mean I'll give up on writing here, it means I've got to limit my time with these things and actually use it more effectively so I can spend more time on the small things to make the big things happen.
In summary - I'm OK
. I'm attempting to plan a trip even though I have virtually no travel experience. I'm trying my best to be happy, and to do things that make me happy (for the short and long term). I'm still pretty terrified. I still have a lot to write about.
Just for kicks though, here's a picture by my friend Regan to show you I'm ok (and confused about devil/rock horns):
Oh! Oh! Oh! We got a new puppy! Well, no actually we're dogsitting Rufus dog for adventureman
and his wife, Danielle, while they are living in Alberta for four months. I gotta say though that we really lucked out with this one - Rufus is pretty much the SWEETEST
, most good natured, happy go lucky, sweetheart awesomeness, love monster of a dog in the whole world. Honest to goodness. It's just too bad our dog is not appreciating having a new dog in the apartment - she doesn't know what hit her, and she hasn't been too happy lately. She'll get over it. Rufus rocks.