flabitus

Mar. 25th, 2009 10:41 pm
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
I did not go running tonight and I feel like a lazy fuck because of that. It's been cold and raining all afternoon and evening and I just couldn't bring myself to do it even though I told myself from the beginning of the process that if I start missing days because of something stupid like the weather then I'll just keep making excuses and eventually give up. Ugh. It's just that I've been fighting the return of my cold for the past week and I just didn't want to risk it because it's just so cold and wet and the exertion would aw who am I kidding? I just wasn't up to it tonight and now I feel appropriately like crap. I took the dog for a long walk in the rain as a sort of supplement, but it's not quite the same. Maybe I'll do a few practice runs with the dog on our own in the next evening or so to make myself feel better. The dog needs the practice and I need to get rid of the flub that's been bugging me.

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I had a friend over last night to watch the last of the L Word. Now that it's over we'll have to find something else to watch together on Tuesday nights. I'm trying to get her hooked on 'Being Human', we'll see how that goes. She made the most amazing antojitos, complete with amazing dip, for us to eat and yeah, WOW, I am going to have to hone up on my culinary skills and get my ass in the kitchen for next time to even try and compare. I am humbled by antojitos.

Also last night she caught me on the negative wheel going over and over all of the reasons that I shouldn't go to New Zealand. I kept going on and on about the money and the time away from people I love and how it's really not that much different from Canada and the accent kind of gets on my nerves and yada yada until she just asked 'why can't you just allow yourself to be happy?' Good question. That is a good question. I'm working on it. Honestly, I am.

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I'm getting a little backed up on emails and responses to things. The wonderful former postman from the cafe I used to work at (long story) emailed me with a long update before Christmas and I've been meaning to write him a long update as well but that just takes so much time and I need like an afternoon to write something like that so yeah, it's been months now and it's just sitting there in my inbox. Taunting me. That and the response I'm supposed to give to that one ipod case guy. I actually ended up ordering one from someone else on Etsy and it's perfect and I'm happy with the purchase I finally made but now I've got to tell this first guy that I found something else. Obviously the truth is the best approach, but that won't make it suck any less for him as a seller or make me come off as any less insane.

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I had a whole bunch of other things I wanted to write about - including a work beef/can't let go of the red stapler situation at work (which reminds me, I should go through and make sure my work posts are locked ...), something about social networking something something, maybe something Springsteen, and probably also something about how if I don't decide on a haircut soon I'm just going to get the scissors and start chopping.
lolamatopoeia: (inconceivable!)
So I was running along with the group this evening, chatting and jogging and walking and having a great time. We were a little more than halfway through and we're running and talking, running and talking, and before I even knew it I felt and then heard 'pffffffffft' come out of my back end. Mid-conversation. Mid-run. The girl running next to me did a bit of a pause in her sentence, I know she knew. I think both of us just thought it would be better to act as though it didn't happen. The worst part? The second fart was even louder.
lolamatopoeia: (whoopdeefuckingdo)
I'm not sure if it's that it just hasn't hit me yet or if it's that I'm actually alright with the fact that I did not get into the PhD program, but I'm surprisingly OK. In any case, thanks to all of you for the congratulations! :)

What may really be the kicker is seeing all of the really smart and well deserving people I know get their acceptance letters rolling in over the next little while. Then it might actually hit me and I'll be able to process all of it. Maybe do a little grieving because any rejection, no matter how OK I am about it, sucks. No no, what will actually be really tough is when my former classmates from my MA get their PhD's in a few years. Hopefully by then I'll be in a better place in life though and I'll be better prepared to deal with that. I'll be OK. The rejection doesn't mean that I am not intelligent or that my idea isn't something that needs to be pursued, it just means that it isn't my time. Or, maybe it really is just not the right path for me - and that's OK. I'm still OK.

The thing is, I'm now trying to wrap my head around the idea that this means I'm actually going to New Zealand in a few months, and that I'm truly going to be a Teacher (and a damn good one). Just, wow. That part, that's the part that doesn't feel real.

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I went for my second run this week at the Running Room and I'm so glad I did. I was feeling so sore, as though my thigh muscles had ripped away from the bone, but I knew that if I didn't go I might as well give up now because I won't keep up the commitment. I took it easy and actually felt exhilarated by the end of the run - so much so that I grabbed the dog as soon as I got home and took her for a few rounds around the block as well! One of the best parts of the whole experience is the whole community aspect - other runners wave and smile as they run by and welcome me in their groups and their lifestyle and it's such a friendly space to be in, on top of the activity, fresh air, and a great sense of accomplishment. So glad I joined.

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I need my hair cut off, like now. I am so sick of the stuff growing out of my head I could just rip it out. I'm just so sick of my look with this hair - it just hangs there. It's just long and straight and I almost never do anything with it. I hardly even wear it in a ponytail or anything anymore. It just hangs there because I can't be bothered fussing over it. Maybe I just need a new style or something, like maybe I'll get some bangs or whatnot, but lately I've been thinking of doing things like this, or this (the redhead), also here, or maybe even this (on the left). I'm leaning most toward the first photo. I need something drastic and that I don't have to do anything with, but I'm also terrified of having an awful haircut to display in pictures of my time overseas. Bah! Let me know what you think, keeping in mind that I currently look like this:

The picture of Tudor and me was taken on Saturday night at a work event. Yep, I'm that short, and he's pretty cute too. I have a nice face stuffed full of food in that there photo.
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
So I thought I should post since it feels like I've been quiet for a while, but then again it seems like everyone around here has been quiet the past little while, so ... In any case, I just thought I'd write a few quick notes, so here we go:

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Since the incident with the onion chopping, I've now given myself two other cuts on the same hand. My hand is now covered in bandaids and I look a little ridiculous. So, alright Tudor may have had a point in his response to the chopping but that doesn't stop me from thinking he's an asshole for saying it (or, from preventing further injuries apparently).

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I'm finally recovering from my cold only to find that now Tudor is getting sick (passive aggressive revenge) as well as a few of my coworkers. I win!

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I finally watched 'Doubt'. It was excellent, absolutely excellent. It's one of those quietly wonderful movies that is all about subtleties and characters and, err ... doubt. I just wish that they hadn't framed the story so cheesily with two so very overt speeches/exclamations/references to doubt. Ok, ok, I get it - DOUBT!

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I can't remember what I did on the weekend, except for Sunday. Saturday seems like a bit of blur for some reason ... oh, wait - yes, it was an event at work. I wasted nearly an entire day shopping for appropriate black shoes. I ended up getting a pair of black dress flats with a bit of a pointed toe that I'd been eyeing for a while. I bought them feeling satisfied since they're classics and you can't go wrong with those and then immediately regretted buying them part of the way home because they were 50 bucks and to me that is a lot of money. It's a lot of money especially considering that I will still need to buy myself a pair of black loafers and black heels (since I currently have no black shoes, save the new flats) on top of a pair of hiking boots/shoes and possibly even running shoes. All before I go to (and save my ass off for) New Zealand. I'm still undecided. I've been wearing them only indoors in case I have to return them. They're fairly comfortable and all, although I'm not sure I could wear them all day w/o supportive insoles, but they were 50 bucks and they're not everday shoes and ... ugh. I wish that things like this were not such a big deal to me. I wish that I had a whole bunch of disposable income for things like this but, you know, I likely never will.

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On Sunday Tudor and I were thrilled to have some of our long lost, to Barrie, Ontario, university friends over for dinner and photos and cake and visits.

After many a stressful and sometimes failed dinner party I think Tudor and I may have found a system that works fairly well for us - he does most of the dinner cooking and I do most of the house/apartment cleaning. I get really stressed and frantic and anxious when I'm preparing for people to come over and so turning my craziness into a cleaning frenzy is super efficient. Plus, Tudor makes a kick ass asian pork tenderloin and garlic mashed potatoes. He has really impressed me with his cooking lately and I was glad to see our friends impressed with it too.

I had made a carrot cake a few days earlier and iced it with cream cheese icing (with orange zest) and it went over swimmingly and made me feel so proud. Even when my lovely boyfriend tried to scrape his icing off his portion, the rest of us protested and dived the cream cheesey goodness among us. Yeah, it was that good.

We went on what we call a 'photoroam' together, like old times, along the railroad tracks with our dogs. I was surrounded by these people who take amazing photos and I felt a little at a loss at some points. I think that I forgot how to take photos. I used to love just walking around with my camera and now I'm just a little confused by it and pretty self conscious about the whole thing. Pictures or no pictures, it was an incredibly enjoyable sunny walk after our dinner feast. That spring feeling in the air just made everything so much sweeter and some of my fondest memories have been tied to those sunny moments after dinner in the spring and summer time, strolling in the warm and the green.

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I joined a 'Learn to Run' Clinic. It runs until May. I signed up yesterday and I had my first class tonight. I was so scared going in there, but it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. It's a fairly big group, with only one male. We're all beginners and everyone seems really nice so far (except for the 3 or 4 people who showed up unapologeticly late - it's one thing to show up late, but 25 minutes late without a word of apology or any sense of shame, instead a stunning sense of entitlement, that bugs me /rant). Our run took place through the park and it was such a gorgeous evening. We did about 6 sets of 2 minutes of walking followed by 1 minute of running, and then the last leg was just straight walking. I didn't think that seemed like much on paper, and it was easier than I thought at certain points, but I can really feel it now. I feel like I've got some actual exercise in me and that feels great. I'm going to try and integrate the dog into this running, and I'm going to try my best to maintain this activity and maybe even some day consider myself a Runner. Some day. For now, I'm just proud of myself for going through with it.

How are you?

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