an update

Apr. 27th, 2009 11:13 pm
lolamatopoeia: (mozflash)
[personal profile] lolamatopoeia
So for some reason I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm not sure why I've been silent but it's likely a good thing - I've been processing the big old decision and figuring a lot of things out. I'm OK with the decision, I really am, I'm actually getting excited about Nipissing in the Fall. I do still have these little waves of doubt from time to time, to be completely honest, and I am worried about regret, but I know that all of that negative is up to me to fix. Right now is the complicated stuff though - I'm dealing with a lot of the same panicked quarterlife crisis feelings I've been experiencing for nearly a year now except that now I'm feeling a lot more urgency with the whole thing. I just don't know what to do with that urgency yet. I definitely want to go on a long trip this summer and I'm still so fixated on NZ so I think it would be good for me to go and just get it out of my system (even though it'll be winter there), but then I'm thinking I could also seize an opportunity to save a lot of money on a trip by going to Iceland instead. Or, I don't know. I think I may just need to freaking go and get it over with for gods' sake.

By extension, I'm figuring out that I've got to spend more of my time doing things that I love doing. What drives me crazy with joy and happiness and jealousy, and what I see as true success and happiness, is being able to at least support yourself by doing something you absolutely love doing and are good at. I've spent too much time watching people make something of themselves in this way and not enough time actually doing the small things I need to do to make the big things happen - y'know? I'm also realizing that spending all of my time passively and compulsively surfing the internet (esp. the devil that is facebook) and watching television is not something that makes me happy. It has the opposite effect, actually. The more time I spend on those mediums the more depressed and removed I get. It doesn't mean I'll give up on writing here, it means I've got to limit my time with these things and actually use it more effectively so I can spend more time on the small things to make the big things happen.

In summary - I'm OK. I'm attempting to plan a trip even though I have virtually no travel experience. I'm trying my best to be happy, and to do things that make me happy (for the short and long term). I'm still pretty terrified. I still have a lot to write about.

Just for kicks though, here's a picture by my friend Regan to show you I'm ok (and confused about devil/rock horns):

Oh! Oh! Oh! We got a new puppy! Well, no actually we're dogsitting Rufus dog for [ profile] adventureman and his wife, Danielle, while they are living in Alberta for four months. I gotta say though that we really lucked out with this one - Rufus is pretty much the SWEETEST, most good natured, happy go lucky, sweetheart awesomeness, love monster of a dog in the whole world. Honest to goodness. It's just too bad our dog is not appreciating having a new dog in the apartment - she doesn't know what hit her, and she hasn't been too happy lately. She'll get over it. Rufus rocks.

Date: 2009-04-28 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's good to take a break from time to time, I think. Especially when you're sorting out (or trying to sort out) IRL things. And I think it's great that you made the decision to go to Nipissing- a hard decision, I'm sure, but at least it's settled and what you want to do, or what will be better for you in the long run. Good luck with the holiday decisions as well- those are always hard to make a choice on!

And I absolutely agree with you on the internet thing- I find it highly distracting as well, not to mention a really easy way for me to put off doing what I want/need to be doing. Hang in there!


Date: 2009-05-03 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Aw, thanks for the *hugs* - right back at you! Also, honestly, having you on my flist now helps with my inspiration. You're working on your dream and making it happen, bit by bit, and that's what I really need to start doing in my own way with writing. So yeah, kudos!

Yeah, for the trip thing I'm feeling a bit stuck because I've never planned this kind of trip before - the furthest I've gone is a road trip to Virginia from here. I haven't been on a plane yet, I haven't travelled alone ever, and I'll only have about 4-5 grande to work with (and a plane ticket to NZ will cost about 1.5 - 2 grande) so I won't have much room for error. Eep! Also, it'll be WINTER in NZ when I'm there. Not ideal. I'm not concerned with my own abilities to brave the weather - more concerned with things being shut down or inacessible to me because of the weather. It's getting down to crunch time though so I may just get my butt in gear and start trying to book things and if it becomes too frustrating, with things I want to see being closed and whatnot, I may start looking toward Iceland instead.

Date: 2009-05-04 09:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh wow! *is humbled to death* Thanks! *dies* No, seriously, you have no idea how much this comment means to me :DDDD

Heh- yeah, look, unless you're planning on going skiing I would tend to feel that going to NZ is probably better during their/our summer (personally speaking, of course). The roads are pretty precarious (OMG South Island roads are terrifying and we went in summer + I assume that you'd be doing the shuttlebus thing which...heh...I remember going up a hill and feeling like I was going to fall backwards out of the bus so icy roads would not help the panic attack!), plus you have the issue of avalanches etc which might block roads/access etc. This would likely be of particular issue if you were at all thinking of doing Milford Sound- which is phenomenally gorgeous, however requires travelling mountain roads. A lot of Aussies go during the winter but I tend to think that has a lot more to do with the cheaper flights.

Date: 2009-05-05 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm definitely counting on doing Milford Sounds and I'd like to spend as much time as possible in the South Island, so ... *sigh*. Yeah, this is my dilemma - I feel somehow compelled to go since I've been working myself up to go for so long it feels like I'll NEVER go if I don't go asap ... but then the actual time frame I'd be going is just not going to work at all - I'm not much of a winter sport person (not a good skier and don't know how to snowboard) and the things I'd like to do include a lot of hiking and outdoorsy stuff, which may not just be a little cold (which I can deal with) but would be impossible if lots of things are closed down. Ugh. Also, I'm thinking that if the plan is to teach for a year in either New Zealand or Australia (or the UK) when I'm done training anyway, then I don't need to waste a trip now.

Yeah, lately I've been thinking of either using the time I have before school to go to Iceland on a volunteering stint (round trip flights there are only 500 bucks and apparently a trip there would be super cheap considering their current economy) or do some volunteer teaching in Ecuador or Bulgaria. I'm going to contact a few places this week and see what's possible and then go from there.

Oh, and you deserve the compliment - anytime!


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