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Christmas: How To
Dec. 29th, 2005 10:44 pmThis is how to celebrate Christmas around here. Or, at least, what I did for Christmas (in list form):
For starters:
- come home early from school to see your dog and sleep on a couch.
- get in a brief argument with parents about the lack of heat in sleeping/moping quarters of said couch.
- miss boyfriend enough at times to send intimate pictures, frantic emails, and get a little dillusional.
- actually feel 'at home'.
Christmas Eve:
- be treated to big breakfast by baby-pushing parents and every member of town.
- walk the dog in the rain.
- wrap presents until 3AM.
- wish you were a) cuddling by the fire with someone and a cup of hot chocolate, b) had gone to the Mayor's house with your parents simply for the sake of some entertainment, even if its old yuppy people entertainment, or c) drunk.
Christmas Day:
- wake up early for surprised greetings and hurried showers.
- open lots of wonderful presents.
> pajama pants!
> smelly things to wear and/or burn!
> 'hopeless chest' items - cookware set, stack n' twist containers, cups, christmas ornaments, etc. (shut up, I get
excited about useful stuff)
> booze!
> so much chocolate I could puke!
> so many gift certificates they make you say 'holy cannoli'!
> funky wooden buddha/hawaiian chubby kids bookends from Tudor whose ass cracks make me giggle.
- wonder why the unwrapped gifts included neither socks nor underwear this year. Realize it's because you're 23. But still ...
- pick up boyfriend to fondle and present with presents.
- stuff face with turkey, stuffing, etc. upon etc. upon barf.
- try to walk the turkey off after dinner with little success - end up with a beautiful, snowflake and kiss-filled walk among holiday lights instead.
- forget to remember the rest of the night. Turkey induces horniness followed by comatose state.
Boxing Day:
- wake up early to face the drill squad who instruct you on making cheese ball, ham ball, romakis, cheesecake and lasagna.
- watch 'March of the Penguins' with father and lover. Cry and coo. Desire baby penguin.
- watch your lover charm the heck out of your father by eating his favourite oyster and cheese concoction spread together.
- eat, eat, and eat, among guests.
- watch one of your favourite Christmas movies among group. Find out, for the first time in the 112th viewing, that it is actually Canadian. Love it even more.
- play dominoes for hours and start to win until you switch seats.
- drive sleepy Tudor home late so that he can spend the rest of the night entertaining children.
post-Christmas:
- avoid writing essays and applications.
- stress yourself out over (the anticipation of) essays and applications.
- transfer academic stress to other areas of life for imaginary reasons.
- drink a lot of coffee and steal a lot of internet at Cafe 1842.
- shop to relieve stress - quickly blow a little over a hundred dollars on cheap dvd's and used clothing in a few hours. Hey, the amount of gift certificates I received for giftmas will keep me alive for months - I needed pants and 'Crocodile Dundee', damnit.
- play Scrabble and meet with old friends instead of dominoes on game night.
- get hair cut into the shape of a muffin.
- walk through cemeteries with someone you love.
- repeat.
I should update more often so that I don't have to write such long entries next time. Or not. Everyone loves a list, right? I'm off to go fool myself into appearing productive by staring at books and computer screens for hours without involving flipped pages or typed sentences.
For starters:
- come home early from school to see your dog and sleep on a couch.
- get in a brief argument with parents about the lack of heat in sleeping/moping quarters of said couch.
- miss boyfriend enough at times to send intimate pictures, frantic emails, and get a little dillusional.
- actually feel 'at home'.
Christmas Eve:
- be treated to big breakfast by baby-pushing parents and every member of town.
- walk the dog in the rain.
- wrap presents until 3AM.
- wish you were a) cuddling by the fire with someone and a cup of hot chocolate, b) had gone to the Mayor's house with your parents simply for the sake of some entertainment, even if its old yuppy people entertainment, or c) drunk.
Christmas Day:
- wake up early for surprised greetings and hurried showers.
- open lots of wonderful presents.
> pajama pants!
> smelly things to wear and/or burn!
> 'hopeless chest' items - cookware set, stack n' twist containers, cups, christmas ornaments, etc. (shut up, I get
excited about useful stuff)
> booze!
> so much chocolate I could puke!
> so many gift certificates they make you say 'holy cannoli'!
> funky wooden buddha/hawaiian chubby kids bookends from Tudor whose ass cracks make me giggle.
- wonder why the unwrapped gifts included neither socks nor underwear this year. Realize it's because you're 23. But still ...
- pick up boyfriend to fondle and present with presents.
- stuff face with turkey, stuffing, etc. upon etc. upon barf.
- try to walk the turkey off after dinner with little success - end up with a beautiful, snowflake and kiss-filled walk among holiday lights instead.
- forget to remember the rest of the night. Turkey induces horniness followed by comatose state.
Boxing Day:
- wake up early to face the drill squad who instruct you on making cheese ball, ham ball, romakis, cheesecake and lasagna.
- watch 'March of the Penguins' with father and lover. Cry and coo. Desire baby penguin.
- watch your lover charm the heck out of your father by eating his favourite oyster and cheese concoction spread together.
- eat, eat, and eat, among guests.
- watch one of your favourite Christmas movies among group. Find out, for the first time in the 112th viewing, that it is actually Canadian. Love it even more.
- play dominoes for hours and start to win until you switch seats.
- drive sleepy Tudor home late so that he can spend the rest of the night entertaining children.
post-Christmas:
- avoid writing essays and applications.
- stress yourself out over (the anticipation of) essays and applications.
- transfer academic stress to other areas of life for imaginary reasons.
- drink a lot of coffee and steal a lot of internet at Cafe 1842.
- shop to relieve stress - quickly blow a little over a hundred dollars on cheap dvd's and used clothing in a few hours. Hey, the amount of gift certificates I received for giftmas will keep me alive for months - I needed pants and 'Crocodile Dundee', damnit.
- play Scrabble and meet with old friends instead of dominoes on game night.
- get hair cut into the shape of a muffin.
- walk through cemeteries with someone you love.
- repeat.
I should update more often so that I don't have to write such long entries next time. Or not. Everyone loves a list, right? I'm off to go fool myself into appearing productive by staring at books and computer screens for hours without involving flipped pages or typed sentences.
