Apr. 11th, 2009

lolamatopoeia: (marilyntiredhead)
Today has been a bad day for me, emotionally. I had some odd dreams last night associated with the upcoming decision and just everything about this whole situation is making me feel so fucking down. I know that I should be looking at the positives and how I've been accepted everywhere (well, except the PhD) but for me this makes things worse - I would have been better off being rejected by all but one. I am not good with decisions, especially potentially life changing ones.

Today I have been thinking seriously about going back on medication for my depression. I'm not doing too well with myself lately.

another one to read with Prozac )

I'm sorry that I keep posting about this, I'm sorry. I just have no one else to talk to about it anymore since I've been talking the ears off of my friends and family for months now and they don't want to hear it anymore.

Every day I can feel myself getting older and I feel like I'm wasting away. I'm already feeling like I'm 65 years old and looking back on my life with so much regret. I'm so tired of being so sad. I'm so tired of wasting my life being so sad. I'm sad all the time and I can't escape it anymore. I'm just so sad and sick of myself and sick of being so sad. I need to start using this life to actually live but I don't know how to stop being so sad.

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lolamatopoeia

July 2009

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