Why I don't like my gynecologist/Why I am frustrated with birth control

[lolamatopoeia]

I had an appointment today with my gynecologist scheduled for 1:15pm. Since I won't be out of my apartment for the next few days (in lieu of essay cramming) I decided that I would also pick up an early graduation present for myself at my favourite woman-owned, women-run, women-friendly, women-centred sex shop, Libido. If you're ever in London, I highly recommend it. They only sell the best quality stuff, they'll talk to you for as long as you'd like and help you find the product that is best for you. All of their products are out on display so you can see and touch them and it's a generally very warm and friendly atmosphere. I've always left there with a smile, and I've never felt dirty and in need of a shower after walking away (unlike with some places, ahem, Stag Shop, fucking hell). In any case, I had a great chat with the owner for a while, we held some dildos together, then she wrapped up my new friend in wine-coloured tissue and placed it in a gold bag. I walked out a very happy woman as I headed for my appointment.

I got lost in the hospital hallways again looking for my doctor. When I finally got there I ended up sitting in the waiting room for an hour with ten other women watching television since he was late. It wasn't so bad, for a while the channel was on Antiques Roadshow, which is kickass. When the nurse called my name and led me into the next room (the one with the stirrups), where she ordered me to take off my pants, I told her that I wanted to get a chance to ask the doctor about birth control options since I am hoping to get off of hormonal birth control soon. I'd rather not have synthetic hormones going through my system (and producing chemical withdrawal bleeding instead of an actual period), and I'd like to talk about my options.

Fine, good. My pot-bellied doctor and his two young clean-shaven Med students walk in a few minutes later - the Med students lean against the wall, my doctor sits near my feet, and I, bare-assed on the table with my feat resting on the stirrups, start talking about birth control.

I explain to him that I'd rather not be on hormones anymore because I am concerned with what they are doing to my body. I went on them originally both because my periods were horrendous and because it seemed to be the easiest method of contraception when I became sexually active. Now I am concerned that these chemicals may be merely covering up what was causing my excessive bleeding and not fixing the (possibly serious) problem, and I have to believe that there must be some other form of preventing babies that won't wreck havoc on my body. I am, however, nervous because the pill has been so easy and effective in the whole no-baby department and it will be odd to go back to condoms when I am in a long-term monogamous relationship but just don't want kids right now. I'll likely get a diaphragm to use as back-up because I am paranoid, but I have also heard some things about IUD's (even though right now, they really kind of scare me).

"Have you had kids?"
"No"
"Oh, well then I wouldn't recommend an IUD - if you get an infection with one it could go into your ovaries and damage your ability to reproduce, so I wouldn't give it to someone whose fertility hadn't been tested."
"Oh, ok. Yeah, I was just kind of scared of that also b/c I've heard that the non-hormonal one can make you bleed even heavier on your period, and that's something I'd like to avoid".
"Yep"
"Also, my Mom got one put in before she had me and it ended up tearing through her womb, causing her to hemorrhage, and the doctors eventually found it after fishing through her intestines on the operating table".
"That's just weird".
"Is it? Alright, so I guess what you're saying is that my only choice outside of hormonal birth control are condoms and diaphragms?"
"Yep. (leans back and crosses arms) You also have to remember that condoms and diaphragms have about a 10% failure rate, while the pill has about a 1% failure rate, so that's also something you'd have to consider."
"But I don't want the hormones"
"Yes, well..."
"Coupling condoms and a diaphragm together though would help close that gap, though, right? Also, I was thinking of also using the Fertility Awareness Method in addition to the barrier methods"
"Yeah, the Catholics like that method because it has a 40% failure rate, hyuk hyuk".
"Hmm, alright (holding back tears of frustration). So, I guess, as far as the wacky menstrual cycle stuff goes then, I was planning on trying to balance it holistically with things like diet, exercise and vitamins/supplements, etc, so that should work alright, yes?"
"Yeah, lots of women go off the pill and they forget what their real periods were like, but then they soon go back on it again once they realize what they're up against (smirk)".
"(smile to hide depression, frustration and anger)"
"Oh, also - I think I have a tilted uterus, and ..."
"So?"
"So I'm worried about the effectiveness of the diaphragm with that"
"Nah, I wouldn't worry about that. It doesn't matter. I can get you fitted for a diaphragm here ..."
"I'm moving to Guelph next month"
"Oh, well then you can get it fitted in Guelph - any doctor there can do it, it's not that hard."
"Oh."

Soon he has me spreading my legs at the knees and he's shoved a speculum and a camera up inside me so his Med students can take a look at my cervix as well on the video screen. I can't watch. The procedure always hurts and I try to laugh with them at their jokes to get over the pain. They speak about my womb in medical terms I don't understand and ask me to close my legs. 'All done', the doctor says, throwing the bloody speculum in the waste bin.

"You know, they have a great Stag Shop right across from one of the hotels in Guelph, if you ever need to ... I mean not that I would know", he says with a grin and a laugh. Stunned silence. The Med students chuckle. "Oh, ha ha," I nervously let out a laugh, "is that right?" He and the rest of the doctors leave chuckling amongst themselves. The door closes and I pull up my pants.

I really need to get myself a female gynecologist (or at least someone who's not such a dick).

Comments

I followed the link from VP and felt a need to comment...

[xdreamsofdramax.livejournal.com]

...What an ass...I wish I had a reccomendation for a doctor for you but I live nowhere near you so I don't...but I really hope you find a better GYN. I've NEVER had such a problem with any of the GYNs I've seen...and I think if any of them ever treated me like that, I'd get up and walk out...I couldn't deal with it...I'd be like nope, I'm done. And don't you dare try to charge me. Wow...just wow...

Re: I followed the link from VP and felt a need to comment...

[xdreamsofdramax.livejournal.com]

Oh and PS, I just went off of birth control a few months ago. I've been on it for 7 years. I haven't gone back crying for it yet. My periods aren't THAT bad. I mean, I get bad cramps, but nothing a heating pad can't fix. If your cramps get bad after you go off the pill, the most amazing things are the Playtex disposable 12 hour heating pads. They really do work for 12 hours, and they work ICREDIBLY!

Also, fertility awareness method does NOT have a 40% failure rate when used correctly. If you simply assume that you ovulate at the 14 days point in your cycle, then it probably does have a failure rate that high. But if you actually use basal body temperatures and such to chart and figure out when you ovulate as opposed to using a general idea, it is MUCH more effective than that. This page () discusses multiple methods of fertility awareness that you might want to look into.

Good luck with finding a new doctor and with your problems with the birth control. I know how that goes, as I just decided I didn't want the pills in my system anymore, and when I first stopped them, the boyfriend and I weren't sure we wanted kids so I had to use something else.

Re: I followed the link from VP and felt a need to comment...

[xdreamsofdramax.livejournal.com]

OK, yes it's a third comment from me but I just realized I posted the same link that you already had. I meant to give you this one (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/fertilityawarenessNFP.html). And another idea is to look into purchasing the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I haven't used it personally, but I know a lot of people have read it and it has really helped them learn more about their fertility and understand things well enough to effectively use FAM.

Re: I followed the link from VP and felt a need to comment...

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for the info and for your support! I would have done things differently with that gyno had it not been my last appointment with him. I do wish I had put him in line though with that last statement, ugh, it still sleezes me out!

I think that it would take me (and my partner) quite a while to trust FAM on its own, as I want to be as careful as I can possibly be, but I will be looking into it and doing as much research (including reading that book) as I can on it as well.

Thanks so much! You're very sweet :).

Re: I followed the link from VP and felt a need to comment...

[xdreamsofdramax.livejournal.com]

Aw you're welcome. And thanks for the compliment. I'm glad the info helped. :)

[anatomyofaskirt.livejournal.com]

lady! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD A DOCTOR (of any sort) TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT. Seriously. I'd suggest calling every health board you can and complaining... you could even call the doctor's office and complain. Gah. What an jackass pisserfuck. (But seriously, you should do whatever you are the most comfortable with. I'm here for ya!)

I had similar problems with the whole BC thing- doctors kept pushing the pill and after 6-7 years on it I just wasn't happy with it. I even tried switching to a mini-pill, but that sucked even worse. Just condoms is working out fine for me- remember, the day-after pill is available over-the-counter here, should there be a condom malfunction.

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

I know! The thing is, I'd rather not complain because I could have just as easily said something while I was there to stop the chuckleheads from chuckling. If I would have said something and not just try to laugh it off like I did and played along, then I would put in a complaint. But yeah, I don't know. He's just a sleeze.

It's encouraging to know that another long-term, monogamous couple uses condoms just fine. I feel weird about going back to condoms after all this time and I'm paranoid about their effectiveness in the long term, so yeah, it's good to know that other people can make it work as well. It's also good to know about the emergency contraception too! Phew, that helps the baby paranoia :). Thanks for the support, lady!

[anatomyofaskirt.livejournal.com]

re: complaining about his behaviour, you should do what you are comfortable with. But! I'd like to point out that in no way does your behaviour, lack of saying something at the time, or trying to laugh along have any bearing on your right to complain about a sleezeball's behaviour. Plus there are power issues surrounding doctors, and also surrounding being half naked! I can't honestly say I'd have done anything different. It's hard the be feirce with someone shining a flashlight in your hoohoo.

Re: condoms! My mother (of all people) told me that she and my Dad used nothing but condoms until they had my brother (who was planned)- so that's about 4-5 years of sex-making, with no accidental babies. I do still worry about baby-ness from time to time, but like I said before, I know there's the morning-after pill in case a condom breaks, and then it's just a case of being careful about condom usage.

I'm so so happy now that I'm off BC pills. I feel so much more myself, and I don't seem to be crazily gaining more and more weight, the mood swings are almost gone, and having my period off the pill isn't particularly bad. I've heard great things about the FAm method- it's actually an incredibly low failure rate when used properly (and I think if you used it with condoms you'd be pretty damn safe). The only thing is that you have to remember to keep track of everything everyday. That's about where I decided that it's maybe not the best method for me! I can barely track my period. But, you can also use online tools to help you track your cycle!

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Erin :). Yeah, I'm thinking condoms are our best bet. They're fairly cheap and plentiful and we've used them well in the past. The spontaneity that the pill allowed was pretty great, but I'd rather know that the hormones pulsing through my body are really my own and not a synthetic impersonation, y'know.

As I mentioned in the rant, I'd also much rather have a genuine period - the thing that's really made me angry is finding out that the pill actually takes away your entire cycle altogether - that, when the pills were being developed in the 60s, scientists included 'withdrawal bleeding' (that supposed 'period' you get at the end of a pill pack/during placebo week is just your body telling you it's getting rid of the chemicals) in order for it to appear natural, as if you had a cycle, and to reassure you that you're not pregnant (which has led to all this talk now of women being able to eliminate their periods altogether, when it's more like 'haha, we took away your period a long time ago!'). My doctors didn't tell me any of this, and I'm very angry about that. Call me crazy, but I actually want my period - to me, it's a sign of health and fertility - if my period's out of whack, it's my body telling me something that I should be paying attention to and not just some 'curse'. Fuck, I'm really angry about that! Sorry, /rant.

As far as FAM goes, I'm going to have to do one heck of a lot more research on it since we're pretty skeptical about the method right now - it's just hard to trust, I guess. I'll start charting after I go off the pill, while using barrier methods, and see how it goes - it'll take me quite a while to feel confident with it, I think.

I am really looking forward to going off the pill, having a period and a normal cycle again, and getting back to feeling more 'myself'. Thanks again for the support pretty lady :).

[domino39.livejournal.com]

Honestly, if I had the experience you just decribed, I would be calling the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario. (heres the website http://www.cpso.on.ca/)

Not only was his conduct questionable, it was completely unprofessional (in my opinon)

I went to the website, just to see what info they had for filing a complaint (i was outraged just reading your post) and found the following info:

WHAT KINDS OF CONCERNS DOES THE COLLEGE ADDRESS?
The College reviews a wide range of concerns that are raised by patients. Complaints of a sexual nature may include complaints about:
privacy and respect
inappropriate comments or gestures
unnecessary or improper physical examinations
sexual contact or assault

and I truly belive that his comments after your exam fall under the inapproprate catagory.

As far as feeling that you 'could have said something at the time' i dont think that should be a reason -not- to report it. Just reading what happend my jaw drapped and I was left speachless, couldnt imagine being able to say something at the time!!

-call them- and tell them what happened... it shouldnt go unreported. I just moved to London and I sure as hell dont ever want to see that doctor if that is how he treats his patients. And who knows, maybe this isnt the 'first time' something inapproprate has happened with this DR (shudders)

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I am seriously considering putting in a complaint. I don't want to make a huge fuss about it, but I think that just the act of putting in a complaint would be wise - it will make me feel better about the situation, it will give him a wake-up call about his conduct, and hopefully it will ensure that another woman won't have to feel the way I did after that appointment.

If you'd like, I can email you (or you can email me, leby26[at]hotmail) with his name so that you can be sure to never to have him as your doctor!

[kontextwechsel.livejournal.com]

you've received such wonderful words of support, i just want to say: ditto!

that dr. is a total dick! having a tilted uterus (so my mum claims) makes stuff (like giving birth and having missionary style sex) tricky and painful... not thing to be fluffed off. sounds like he needs a talking to.

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

I know! I was asking because I wanted to know for sure, for those reasons (although missionary has been just fine) and because I use a menstrual cup (http://www.mooncup.co.uk/wc.php?u=924) and am considering using a diaphragm as well, the uses of which could be affected by a tilted/retrograde uterus. His 'So?' was blindingly frustrating when I know that these are valid concerns - and fuck, he's a gynecologist! He shouldn't be fluffing off any woman's concerns about their reproductive anatomy for goodness sakes. Sounds like he need a good kick in the dick.


Also, thanks for the support darlin' :).

Your Diva Cup experience

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for the rant you left about your tilted uterus and leakage. That is exactly what I'm experiencing. No matter what I do, the blood is going past the cup and onto my new homemade pad, which I don't wish to have to use. Sigh. I'm going to get the money back on model 1 and try model 2. Wish me luck.

I sure hope you find a gynecologist who isn't a dick.

K

Re: Your Diva Cup experience

[lolamatopoeia.livejournal.com]

Good luck! I hope you find what works for you - the Diva just didn't do it for me but the Mooncup is pretty awesome (so you know you can always go to that as well if size 2 doesn't work). Oh, and thanks ;).